I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, RIGHT?

When I lay beside you at night I get the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do. Part of that is being able to lay beside you and think about how grateful and blessed I am to have you next to me. When I do this I find myself asking you a simple question, 'I'll see you tomorrow, right?' There was a point in the past in which I told you that I used to do this as a child to make sure that I would see my parents the next day. It was my anxious attachment calling and rearing it's ugly head. What I have come to realize with you is that I ask you this to make sure that I can still live in my dream; being with you. I am not sure what I would do if I wasn't able to wake up and see you, Sam. I get worried and anxious a lot of the time thinking that you may not be there sometime when I wake up. That would be one of, if not the, hardest thing that I would ever have to swallow. Even when we fight and argue I find myself asking you this quesiton. There's a phrase that I tell you when we are at odds. I tell you, 'I would rather feel your wrath than ever feel your absence' what that means to me is that I would rather weather any storm and know that you are beside me than ever think about you not being here net to me. Thinking about it, I know it isn't a healthy thing that I do. There is an attachment issue there, but I do also know that I have known the fear of someone leaving without me knowing and the pain that it brings with it. With you, I wouldn't be able to bear that again. That's why I ask you this question at night. I just want you next to me. Know you'll be there when I wake up. That you'll stay.