ACCEPTING MY FAULTS

It's hard for me to admit to myself that I could be someone other than whom I want to be in my mind. Accept that I am actually not able to be whom I want to be; this battle is good and bad. For me and us, I know that it can cause issues because I am so stubborn sometimes (most of the time). I tell myself all of these stories about how if I admit my flaws then I will be letting not only myself down but also you, Sam. So, I put on a face and act like nothing is wrong or what is even worse I bring you down with me at times and make attempts to call you out and put some of that blame on you. For that, I am ashamed. In doing so I am doing what I never would want to do which is a show or put you in a place where you did something in which you didn't. I am creating a problem or flaw that you don't have; you're perfect. I work every day to get better at this, but it's so fucking hard sometimes. I don't understand how you have so much patience with me all the time to show me it's okay to be flawed. I tell myself that if I am flawed is when I get hurt, people run, I am not good enough. Yet, you show me otherwise. It's just so hard for me to think that I am someone other than what I believe you deserve and I can do actions that hurt you. I admit that I am not perfect and I can fuck up a lot. I can also admit that one thing I will always do is try. I will try for me and try for us to be a better man and better person.